not now kado

is it naive of me to keep searching?
and i'm beginning to wonder if i'll ever find him...
if he'll ever find me
he will be so strong
and will sweep me off my feet
take me to bed
and love without words
yet speak so eloquently
he will hold me down
and watch me come
to him very sweetly but so severely
and he will come
to me so purely and harshly
and i will know
the minute i hear his voice
the second he sees that
something in my eyes
that few have ever had permission to see
that amazingly sexy, craving-life me
and he will see it in an instant
and love me every instant after that
and we'll have long conversations
on pillows on the floor
with candles and no TV
he'll be older and wiser than me
and will teach me not to hide
he'll make me feel healthy and pure and alive
and in his arms he'll know that i love him
and the words that most couples say
will never need to be said
we won't promise forever or beg for monogamy
we won't ask unimportant questions
with answers that we don't want to hear
we won't sneak around or have to peek
we will just know and we will just BE
he'll open doors for me and pick out the places to
eat
he'll love all my friends
but look at me from across a crowded room
in a secret way that says "i love you more"
he'll seduce me and rip buttons off my clothes
he'll be rough and hungry and want me right down to
my toes
but he'll love my poems and ask me to read them
he'll smile and respect me for my heart and my mind
for all the words that i choose
and he'll come up with things to say
that i never could have dreamed
he'll whisk me away to a far-away paradise
but be content in our home
he'll look at me and think me so beautiful
and know what i'm thinking at unusual moments
he'll have such a hard body, and he'll appreciate
mine
he won't call me his girlfriend, he'll call me
his LOVE
and he'll say my name to his friends
to those he introduces me to
and he will say it with such passion, that everyone
will know
he'll put his arm around me at the movies
and let me walk in front of him
but won't mind if i don't cook him dinner
he'll love my grey sweatpants, my worn sweatshirt, my
big boots and my rings
but he'll love my short skirts, my 9-5 suits and
soft leather jacket
and he'll think me cute when i wake from a nap
with my hair all tousled and my face mascara-smeared
he'll sometimes pay for my cigarettes, yet ask me to
quit
he'll call me at odd times of the day
and will be oh-so-secure
he'll sense when i need space and leave me alone
with my aloofness and pain
he'll put the seat down and turn off the lights
he'll love my dog, he won't hit me or call me a brat
he'll sense my great capacity for love of all kinds
and won't mind all my male friends
he'll be open-minded to my whirlwind dreams and
ideas
we'll have intense debates and argue our opinions
we'll go on road trips and eat ice cream in bed
we'll laugh and love and cry over music
he won't mind my borderline insomnia
or my sometimes swift mood swings
he'll be hard-working and he'll notice my cute toes
he'll have his own friends, friends i may never meet
and i will have mine and there will never be
even a hint of jealousy
we will be a perfect fit, he'll slide in so easily
yet sweet and tight and slowly
he won't let me win arguments but he'll smile at my
stubbornness
he'll write me long letters and little notes
and make love to me in the rain
and there will be times...when he'll open the
curtains
without saying a word and he'll take off my clothes
with moans and sighs and sunshine...
he will be mine
and i will be his...
the forever is in life
and it will be in his eyes

-------the end-------------
mytypeofMan circa 1995

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